I’m going to spill the beans. Tell all. Let the cat out of the bag.
(After I stop listing every trite idiom meaning to disclose a secret!)
No matter if you are a new Break Method student or an about-to-enroll student - you are going to need one KEY to succeed in the program.
But, honestly, the key to succeeding is surprising. Especially if you have tried other programs, been to therapist after therapist, followed gurus, read the books… The KEY to the Break Method is not what you would expect. And it’s certainly not what you are used to!
I won’t mince words. The Break Method program is difficult. As the opening lesson promises: “…it requires you to strip yourself of the fuzzy lies you’ve wrapped yourself in to get by.”
You’ll come to Break depleted - feeling hopeless and out of options, drowning in trauma and anxiety - or worse. You may come to Break lost - with a constant gnawing feeling of failure. You may come to Break frustrated - repeating the same codependent or toxic relationships and situations. Or you may be curious and come to Break to learn about the process and to help others.
Like other Break grads, I was depleted, lost, frustrated - but so hopeful and curious. But I did not know what to expect - and could never have guessed the secret KEY was such a direct route - and such a challenge.
No matter how you join us at the Break Method Program, to complete the program and rewire your brain, you need ONE KEY.
You ask: Is it….
That six-week program at the spa worked for your sister-in-law for a few months. Your boss claims he found his power at some motivational seminar. That must be it: Lucky right place, right time. Right program, right fit.
Break Method works for anyone and everyone. Every time. If he or she has the ONE KEY…
You may think it’s intellectual acumen. When I started Break, I thought I would need to pass a bunch of tests and write an essay - or be able to document my progress to my facilitator. No biggie. I always rocked school. Well, this front-of-the-class, straight-A cum laude woman was in for a big surprise.
Yes, you need to apply yourself, but no level of intellectual prowess will help you complete the program.
It’s not intellect.
Yes, you need to apply yourself and follow directions. But being a model student - just showing up and handing in your work - like you have in other programs - won’t work here.
Tenacity is helpful. I won’t kid you: Break is the hardest - and most worth-it program - you will ever do. And you’ll need tenacity and fortitude. But it’s not the KEY to completing the program.
Honesty is inherent to any personal growth. Yes, you will need raw, gritty, nauseating honesty - and the willingness to experience your emotions.
But even that is not the KEY. (Although it's the underpinning to THE KEY.)
Disconnecting from toxic people?
It’s definitely not disconnection or blame of any sort.
Break Method helps you develop your communication and improve your relationships. In fact, you’ll find that you can heal and strengthen even your tenuous relationships. And those you labeled toxic or impossible will respond to your fresh approach!
Perhaps it’s engaging with the other students. Or the facilitators. The surrounding team pushing you through.
Nope. Definitely not. While the facilitators and coaches are amazing, supportive, knowledgeable, and helpful, no one is going to take responsibility for your progress.
And that should give you a hint to the secret-sauce, THE KEY, the one thing you don’t expect you will need to complete the Break Method Program…
It’s Radical Personal Responsibility
In my role at the School of Sustainable Self-Mastery, I have the pleasure of interviewing other Break Method grads. Overwhelmingly, the moment a Break Method student realizes the responsibility is squarely on his or her shoulders, the battle to rewire the unconscious brain patterns is as good as won.
We call this: Radical Personal Responsibility.
And it’s the only way to survive the relentless attacks your own brain will serve at you to keep you stuck, to keep you a victim, to keep you self-sabotaging.
Your life has lost momentum and clarity because you stopped recognizing that YOU are the reason YOU are where you are, doing what you are doing, with whom you are doing it.
The buck stops here. With YOU.
You must own it all - starting with the choices you make.
Radical, Personal Responsibility requires you to:
Stop The Blame Game. No more finger-pointing. No more identifying the toxic person ruining your life. No more blaming Mom and Dad. It’s not your attacker. It’s not your boss. It’s not the people who betrayed you or lied to you or left you. It’s not your bully.
Stop The Search for The Reason. It’s not your genetics. Or your sexual-orientation, generation, age, gender, height, birth position (oldest, youngest, middle child). You will not identify some rival causal factor why you self-sabotage, can’t change, stay stuck. The Reason is YOU.
Drop the mike.
In fact, when you master Radical Personal Responsibility, the minute you sing the victim song, you realize you are running your unconscious brain pattern and you actively seek for the route to be responsible, take accountability, and control your emotional reaction.
A Break grad I interviewed said: I had been through therapy, coaching - so many programs. No one ever told me that my transformation was my responsibility. All those other times, I kept waiting for something to happen to me. This time, with Break Method, I made the changes. It was in my control.
I had the same realization as I came to the end of the program, discovering that I was manipulating situations and other people - or agreeing to patterns of treatment - to ensure I would be mistreated. It was all me. No one to blame. It was all and always in my control.
I’m reminding of this stoicism quote:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” — Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5.4–5
Like the ancient philosophers, Bizzie Gold repeats: The only thing you can control 100% is your emotional reaction. Emoting in a patterned response. Not a response to the environment of the moment. You’re bringing a bunch of priming, assumptions, jumping to conclusions, faulty perceptions of reality with you into the emoting process.
Every choice must be owned in order to accurately evaluate what needs to be shifted. What’s in your control? Glad you asked:
Who you are as a parent and how you parent
Who you allow in your bed
Who you are as a partner
What you put into your mouth or your body
On what you spend your precious time
What you create or destroy
How you care for yourself - mentally and emotionally
How you show up at work or run your business
Your work ethic
Your career, job…
Who you are as a friend
Who you are as a daughter or son or brother or sister
How you engage
To make any true and lasting transformation in your life, you have to accept where you are currently and admit that YOU are the reason you got there.
I’ve been there. Passing the buck, placing blame, and playing the victim card don’t work ‘round here. That’s why, in this world, in this society, this level of responsibility is radical.
And it’s the KEY to completing the Break Method Program, rewiring your unconscious brain patterns and healing your toxic relationships.
I invite Break graduates to comment on this post - and to share the ways you have taken radical, personal responsibility in your life.
If you haven’t completed - or enrolled - I suggest you try a Brain Pattern Assessment to get your Brain Pattern Hypothesis today!
Then you'll have THE KEY, too.