Parenting. "The hardest job you’ll ever love."
But if we’re being honest, which we always are in Break Method, the emphasis is definitely on hard.
And no, we don’t all love it.
So many of us are ill-equipped to be good parents who enjoy their children because we were raised by people who were also ill-equipped to be good parents.
See how that works?
Enter Break Method and its application in Parenting. It’s definitely past time that we do away with the fallacy that it doesn’t really matter what we do with children prior to a certain age because “they won’t remember anyway.”
We call FALSE. They DO retain information in the form of implicit memory and it absolutely DOES matters in regards to their future development, how they communicate and show up in the world.
The same is true of you.
The way you are as an adult, reading this right now, your emotional addiction patterns and cyclical behavior began between the ages of 2-5. So, yes, the things you experienced as young Todd and baby Cindy have imprinted in your brain, whether you can call them to conscious memory or not.
And the same is true of the young child you are responsible for now.
The most important thing you can do as a parent right now is to recognize that your repetitive behavior, reactions, choices is absolutely programming your child for something - even if they are little.
Now, watch this because this is where it gets very powerful. If you have a little, like I do (he’s currently napping on the same bed on which I type this - innocent as can be) have hope! You can begin to break your generational cycle and equip them for the world without the negative patterning you walk with by doing two simple things! And I’ll share those two things with you, but first a little storytime - A Tale of Two Rounds.
I am a mother of five and my life as a mother has been marked by very specific and impactful events. My older children are girls by the same father, age 25 + 21, a relationship that ended in divorce and was marred by abuse and neglect when my girls were very young. I retained custody after our divorce and as a result of the difficulty that the girls’ father and I had in communicating and with resentment things were not easy for them…at all. Their patterns of abandonment and rejection were sealed by the time I met their would be step-father further into their adolescence. I have taken to calling my raising of the older girls Round 1.
I met and married the girls would be step-father a few years post-divorce and we would be married with the four of us living rather happily for nearly 6 years before Round 2 arrived in the form of two boys who are age 10 + 8 now.
My then husband and I vowed that we would continue to work to give ALL of the children different opportunities and experiences than that of the girls and we were successful for a time. Mind you, this was pre-Break Method and pre-awareness of anything regarding patterns of behavior or addiction cycles - but there was plenty of addiction. Although I’d met and married a man who loved all of us unconditionally - I’d also managed to meet and marry a man who was an alcoholic with extensive trauma of his own, much like the girls’ father before him and eerily similar to my own father who found sobriety in his fifties. No matter how much we wanted different for the children, the boys in particular, we didn’t have the tools and it seemed as if the cycles would inevitably continue in the raising of Round 2.
Now, this is where things take a turn…quite suddenly as a result of some very unpredictable circumstances I was facing widowhood.
I'd heard very clearly during a very auspicious prayer-time that my second husband’s death was inevitable and I needed to focus my efforts on seeing him through the process and managing how I was going to see my children through their own process and into their futures.
I know enough personally to be faithful after years of being cared for through difficult situations and I just kept walking diligently through that time until I was confronted with the opportunity to potentially truly change the trajectory of all of our lives, and to allow my husband the solace of passing away knowing there was a plan in place for all of the children and myself.
Enter Break Method.
I began seeing ads, short videos and free webinars - not unlike the one attached to this blog - for a “sustainably transformative” program from Bizzie Gold, called Break Method. I was curious and the timing seemed interesting if nothing else. So, I hopped on a free call. At the time, my voice was very small, and inevitably Bizzie chose me to “be unmuted” and speak with her one-to-one in front of the group, and I asked her the question that would change my life.
“Should I take Break while my husband is passing away?”
She climbed into her chair and nearly shouted, “Yes!”
She went on to explain that in going through Break I would be able to simultaneously gain invaluable knowledge about myself, seal my relationship as he passed on and give my children the gift of a mother who was able to respond to her children and her life differently than she ever had before.
In Break Method, we speak about pivotal moments - moments when choices are made that change everything moving forward. That moment, with Bizzie standing in her chair so sure of the choice to be made, and me on the other end of the line, unsure, but hopeful is undoubtedly at the top of my pivotal moments list.
I said YES, and nothing has been the same since. I was able to meet each of my children, with their individual personalities and needs, and walk with them through the darkest time of their young lives with grace, empathy, care and love. I was present for them in the midst of my grief, forever shaping the way they perceived death, dare I say, removing the sting and communicating age-appropriately about their father’s passing - an on-going conversation I am unafraid to have even now. We mourned his eventual death, but were not consumed by it.
I have taken to calling the children Round 1 and Round 2 not only because of the difference in fathers and their age gap, but more so because of the presence of Break Method in the lives of Round 2 during the time of their emerging patterns was critical.
And while the girls, Round 1, came to know of Break Method as teenagers - the older of the two is a Break grad herself and incorporates Break theory into her life and work now - their patterns were firmly in place at the time of my graduation from the program. Whereas Round 2 are post-Break babies and the difference is marked - particularly in the life of my younger boy. His coping mechanism of choice for a very long time was to run - literally, throw the door open and run from our home.
Terrifying and very unsafe.
He was a quiet and withdrawn two year-old and continued through his toddler years in much the same way, but I didn’t give up on him. I continued to stay the course with my own Break work, applied everything possible to my own parenting-style as consistently as possible. Was it perfect? Absolutely not, far from it - but I can say that the consistency, courage, age-appropriate honesty (that is a BIG ONE) and love I continued to give has paid off.
He is almost unrecognizable today!
He has blossomed into a funny, loving, curious, dare I say, confident 8 year old in spite of the incredible loss he endured. I honestly attribute he and his brother’s success (the 10 year-old is no slouch) to Break Method’s influence in my life and on my parenting. I am endlessly grateful. So much so, I’ve made it my life’s work and I truly love being a parent now, regardless of the loss. I love it so much I now have a Round 3. He is two-months old and perfectly untouched by this world. And I am excited to say that he will be a 100% Break-baby who will, God-willing, walk this Earth pattern-less. Curious, creative and innocent, but well-equipped with healthy emotional and spiritual intelligence.
If you have a toddler IS POSSIBLE for you. If you have older children there is still ample time to course-correct and teach them differently through your transformation.
So, back to those two simple things -
- Trust the process - if you’ve been led this far you might as well keep going and see what is to be revealed for you.
- Watch “Emerging Patterns - Oppositional Strategies For Toddlers” and see what you notice about yourself and your kids. Start to observe yourself and apply what can be applied.
If you have questions be sure to reach out and ask. A Break Advisor is alway ready to schedule a call with you.
If you’re struggling in your parenting or with your children today - Don’t give up. Have hope.
- Adrienne Siler
Director of New Media
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